No One Cares About the Facts—Until They Do
Relationship Series: Part III
How does knowing your Objective Personality type help you to have better relationships?
Felix and I have both been officially typed without a single function in common.
Despite not sharing the same type of language, our communication has mostly been enjoyable and easy—although we do face occasional clashes.
Knowing OPS has been invaluable during these challenging moments, allowing us to overcome obstacles and grow together. We want to share want we learned to help you face similar relationship dynamics.
Felix is a standard ISTP with ST Consume as his first Animal. He’s responsible for getting the facts straight, in a Saviour state. On the other hand, I am an ESTJ jumper with ST Blast as my last Animal, meaning I'm not responsible for the facts in a Saviour state.
We recently found ourselves in a bit of a situation—a lack of Blast created tension and misunderstanding between us.
When the Facts are Missing
In a recent visit from Germany, Felix’s parents joined us for a whirlwind tour of New Zealand’s stunning South Island. Eager to make the most of their limited time here, I planned out a two-week itinerary, arranging accommodation, activities, and dining suggestions to ensure a seamless experience. Despite a pre-trip bout of illness, everything seemed on track… until we reached Queenstown.
Our second day in Queenstown promised an exciting ziplining adventure, a choice that Felix’s dad had stepped bravely outside his comfort zone for. With anticipation building, I had confirmed our booking and dealt with a minor check-in hiccup the night before.
Morning arrived, and as I finalised the insurance forms for our group, I re-checked the booking details. The location, seemingly a short drive according to Google Maps, should have been a mere stroll from the town. Yet over breakfast, the truth dawned on us—something was amiss.
Felix’s Perspective
The day before our ziplining adventure, Felix sensed something wasn’t quite right, though he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. Despite Google Maps reassuring us of a short drive to the ziplining location, we were puzzled. How could a hilltop site be just a 3-minute walk away?
Felix's scepticism grew as he repeatedly questioned the proximity, each time met with my slightly irritated reassurance based on Google Maps’ directions. It wasn’t until 15 minutes before our scheduled start that Felix decided to check the details himself.
Google Maps indeed showed a 3-minute walk, but to our dismay, it led us to the base of the hill, not our intended destination. The ziplining spot was atop the hill, reachable via a gondola ride recommended to take 40 minutes—a crucial detail buried in our booking’s fine print.
With only 15 minutes left and a strict tour schedule looming, panic threatened to spoil our plans.
Thankfully, Felix swiftly secured gondola tickets online, bypassing the queues and ensuring we arrived just in time for our adventure, which turned out to be thoroughly enjoyable despite the initial hiccup—thank you, ST!
Now You are Mad
Now, this kind of thing can happen to anyone, but the problem was that I had made some assumptions about how to get to the destination. Unfortunately, not all of these assumptions were actually confirmed by the sensory, which led me to overlook crucial and important details.
Initially, Felix directed his frustration towards me for the sensory mishap, but soon redirected it inward. He recognised that his own oversight had contributed to the confusion. Deep down, he sensed that something was off, that the information provided wasn’t quite right. Yet, instead of acting on that intuition, he chose to avoid causing further annoyance, especially considering my earlier irritation.
However, this avoidance strategy backfired, leading to more negativity later on. Despite these emotional challenges, Felix managed to maintain focus and control in the crucial moment, getting us to the top of the hill on time.
You Can Only Blame Yourself
Unsurprisingly, this clash could have been avoided if we had both blasted more—this is a common theme for us.
Many of our challenges can be resolved by embracing our "last Animals," but the catch is that we often expect perfection and recoil from any associated negativity.
Reflecting on the experience, I felt frustrated despite my efforts at blasting over the past weeks. This disappointment took time to process. Likewise, Felix was frustrated because he hadn't taken more control and accepted the consequences.
When we fall short in engaging our "last Animals," the universe tends to send negative feedback. This negativity indicates a void left unaddressed.
The key to personal growth lies in our response. While initial frustration is normal, it's crucial to take responsibility without identifying with the negativity. Rather than blaming others, focus on how you can improve because you can only control your own actions.
Ultimately, negativity serves as a tool for self-improvement, highlighting areas for growth and reminding us that we can always strive for better outcomes.
Remember, it's not about perfection, but about progress and learning from every experience. Let's continue to grow, evolve, and strive for better connections in all aspects of life.
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